A Little Bit Sad

Doing up his own buttons


I can’t help feeling a little bit sad. I accept that my role as a parent is to prepare my child for life and bit by bit pass on skills which create independence towards adulthood. Although in my head he’s my baby, always my baby. Actually, he is a little boy who in a few short weeks will start school. This week he finished nursery and another chapter closed. He left without a backward glance. I was given a book of his developments and a shoe book he’d painted. It is his ‘transition box’ the box that takes him to his new setting: school. We will fill the box with ‘treasures’ and it will give him something ‘real and relevant’ to talk to his new peers and adults about. An anchor in new seas.

Last press of the buzzer


The end of nursery is a milestone and I celebrate that but it hints and the new beginnings. We have an greatsummer planned and then school. His school uniform is here and it’s very special seeing him try it on. The excitement and the pride. School will be a great new experience and offers so much. I don’t want to change him, or hold him back. The joy of parenting is seeing your child develop and grow and yet I feel a little bit sad. I see my baby but he isn’t a baby. He is my boy. My role is to send him forwards. School is such a milestone and with it comes a lot more letting go. School will peel back the edges of our world as another takes a footing. New influences teachers and peers and our little bubble will shift and mould to the changes. I know in the future I will celebrate many other milestones of independence and this should be my focus, instead I feel a little bit sad and find myself wondering when he will no longer want to hold my hand. This is irrational and yet I can’t help but wallow in it. The time flew by so quickly and I’m left wondering if I savoured enough of it. Maybe it’s the rain. Maybe it’s me.
I just feel a little bit sad. Happy but sad.

celebrating the end of nursery with the chocolate of champions

38 Comments

  1. Actually Mummy...

    He’ll always be your baby. I cried yesterday because GG left infant school to move on to year 3. She’s still my baby – she just knows more stuff and she’s better company now! Chin up – he’ll be at uni before you know it! (Not helping much am I? Sorry )

  2. VeryBoredinCatalunya (@VBinCatalunya)

    It’s always difficult to let go of a certain point in their lives, but it’s worth doing so because the next stage has so much to offer. X

  3. I Heart Motherhood

    Awww i think I know how you feel, I’ve been feeling it a bit too with both mine, Noah turned 1 so is no longer a baby and Isla turned 3 and signalled to me that she is a bit more than a toddler. It’s hard thinking about them entering the wider world even though its exciting too. lots of love x

  4. Jenny

    Last Friday, the day after ‘move up day’ the Cheetah Keeper attempted to lock himself in the toilet (that doesn’t have a lock!) as he wanted to stay in his class ‘forever’. Taking a distressed child to school I explained the problem and his teaching assistant (with something like 27 years of experiencing the same thing) said “but he’s ready for it” – it being Year 1. So, despite the rain and the inevitable heartache that comes with this harsh reminder that our children are growing up, I’m looking at today with the view that they’re ready for their next stage – to continue to learn and grow a little more.
    I’m actually more sad for some of our Year 6 kids who are leaving (I work with them on a voluntary basis) as they leave the school that has provided love, consistency, care, boundaries and a safe environment that has been lacking at home. They’re off to be just another child in very big secondary schools, essentially to fend for themselves at the tender age of 11. Some of their parents won’t bother coming to their Leaving Assembly. I’ll be there, stuck behind the piano, feeling very proud of them too.

  5. Older Mum (@Older_Mum)

    Lovely post. So bitter sweet. He’ll always be your boy … but that line about wondering for how long he will still want to hold your hand got me all choked up! Little A has just started nursery, she’s 2.5 years, and pronounced that she disn’t miss me when I picked her up the other day … sniff. I also worry that I don’t savour enough of my childs growing up too!

  6. Molly

    Totally understandable. I’ve felt this way on both of F’s birthdays. Happy at the excitement of a new milestone, but sad and nostalgic for the tiny baby she was and will never be again. xx

  7. Nikki Thomas

    I cried when my three boys left play group and when my eldest left primary school. It is a hugely emotional time. I even welled up today in the school leavers assembly and none of mine were leaving. Change is tricky sometimes whether it is good or bad. Maybe you need a transition box too! Beautifully written x

  8. Alexander Residence

    It was sad leaving nursery, I cried when she left, but it was great when it became time to start school, we were ready and excited for it by the end of the Summer. I think in the old days parents cried saying goodbye at the school gate, but these days as more kids go to nursery that’s where you feels the bigger loss?

  9. Jen Stanbrook

    I cried when my youngest left pre school, it seemed the end of an era. But a few days ago I held back the tears when she finished Reception. Very proud, very emotional, it’s an emotional rollercoaster this parenting lark!

  10. woollyandred

    Starting school *is* a big thing. It’s a stepping into the “real” world, with all its constraints as well as its freedoms. No less happy, but different. Glad that your special summer has got off to such a good start.

  11. Pingback: Now we are six | Helloitsgemma

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