Having a foot in both camps, for me, is great. I love being a mum, but I enjoy going to work. (I wish I didn’t work as many hours – but that’s another story). I appreciate being able to park the Mummy aspect of my life and do something completely different. Both roles involve multi-tasking, negotiation, patience and imagination, but the roles are very different.
Today, I am tired, so very tired. I feel like I haven’t slept at all, my head is fuzzy; everything is a bit off key. It’s no one’s fault. My son, my little Noo, wandered into our bedroom at half past midnight, I wasn’t deeply asleep. The sound of his feet and bell on the toy he was carrying acted like a switch. I was awake. I made a quick decision. I wasn’t going to sort this out. I surrendered my space in the bed and got up to sleep elsewhere.
Except by the time I settled myself, I didn’t sleep. Thoughts raced round my head, sleep wasn’t coming. I tried deep breathing, I tried thinking relaxing thoughts, hours passed. Eventually, I got up, heated some milk, retrieved a magazine from under the sofa, returned to bed, read for a bit and slept, for what felt like two minutes, because suddenly the alarm has gone off and today’s mood is grumpy.
In the office, no one else has arrived and I’m nursing a cup of tea and feeling a bit sorry for myself. On the positive side, we got to the child minders on-time and part from stalling and finding myself in the wrong lane, I managed the drive here. The first hour of the day wasn’t so bad. Bitter experience has taught me it’s all in the preparation. Hence, all the things I used to do in the morning; deciding what to wear, making sandwiches, now all organized the night before. Shoes and keys that used to be casually abandoned now have their place.
This morning, I managed to keep my grumpy self at bay, often on mornings like this I end up shouting if I have to repeat myself more than twice, to his credit Noo often shouts back “your naughty” well, I’m grumpy actually, but I will accept naughty. He’s entitled to his view, especially if he’s right.
Frankly, I’m better off at work; the chances of having “my buttons pushed” are much slimmer. It’s case of getting through the day, which will probably equate to putting in twice the effort tomorrow to amend for my coasting today. Other people are drifting in, bright eyed and cheery (damn them!) I need another strong cup of tea and fried egg sandwich. “Anybody want anything from the shop?”