Home and Family

I climbed out of a cab last night and took a moment to look at my house. I’d left it 12 hours before.
I felt both hugely relieved to be home and guilty. Like an adulterous partner. I’d spent the day looking at other houses, houses to rent. There is a comfort in coming home after a long day. The house is warm, everything is where I expect it to be, it is home.

This is a good home. I’ve spent 10 years here. It was a project and I transformed it. Having a child made the lack of garden impractical. Then I fell out of love with the area. A plan to move germinated. Then I fell out of love with the city I live in. The plan has grown and grown and here we are with only a few short weeks to go before I close this front door for the last time.

I’ve moved before, lots of times. It was just me then. When I moved North I still had a flat in London, it left an option open. I stayed with a friend of a friend for a couple of weeks, had a quick scout round and opted for a room in a house share near some nice shops and bars. It was very straightforward. I moved again and again and again, a succession of rooms in other people’s houses. Until I found and brought this house, my home. I liked the area, my friends lived locally. I had no idea how long I might live here and that didn’t matter.

Moving home with a child feels huge. Scary and huge. Packing up all his things and helping him say goodbye to his home. The only home he has known.

Making a decision about somewhere to live in another city, one which I like a lot, but not one I know very well would be fine. Factor in school places. The local education department say places are very limited. I’m hoping ‘in year movement’ will be our friend. The decision feels more pressured. The decisions we make now I hope will be for the long term.

The rental market moves very fast. It’s about making quick decisions. I want to live in an area that will last us. We will move house again and I hope we will find our ‘forever home’. I don’t want to take my son out of school again. School is such a big part of his life moving him feels like such a wrench.

Yesterday was a day of both excitement and nerves. I had to make decisions on my own, relaying details to Mr Noo via the phone.

By the end of the day I was very tired and desperate for the comfort of home, hoping that I’d found somewhere else we can call home. Home for a while.

When it feels overwhelming. I have to keep returning to our reasons for doing this. Which are many but mostly: Family.

We want to be nearer family. I want Noo to have the opportunity to spent more time with his family. We won’t be in the same city as family but we will be a lot closer and that matters. He has nieces and nephews and they are his future. At the moment we see some parts of our family yearly and all that is going to change. When I worry about home and it all feels very scary then I think: Family. Home is bricks and mortar. Family is much more.

8 Comments

  1. Molly - Mother's Always Right

    You are spot on. We’re going through exactly the same thing (ironically, may end up in the same city you’re moving to!) and are currently grappling with these decisions about moving and relocating. In a way, time is on our side, because F isn’t at school yet. But also, if I’m honest, we’ve been ready to move for a year now and the longer we stay the more I fall out of love with where we live. I love the village, but not the cost of living, I love the countryside, but not our house which is badly wired, no heating, crumbling and needs a good coat of paint. My parent’s moving to Devon was a key factor in us deciding to move. I want to be nearer them. They live in a beautiful place and are retired, the only thing keeping us where we are now is the NLM’s job. It’ll be interesting to see what the next year holds for us. Until then, I shall live my moving dreams vicariously through you.

  2. Expat Mum

    You’re right about the family thing. I’m over 4,000 miles away from mine, and because the school systems are so different, and my kids are at various stages in their education, I can’t see moving any time soon. Sigh…

  3. Older Mum (@Older_Mum)

    Lovely and so very right about a home being bricks and mortar at the end of the day. Still, we are planning to move next year and I am feeling quite nervous about the whole thing – I’m not very good at change, and then there is the whole angle of schools now! Moving is a lot more complicated with a child.

  4. Christina E (@Beadzoid)

    I don’t blame you at all and am quite envious. We live away from my family but closer to his and that saddens me. While I wouldn’t want to live in the town I grew up in (my parents plan to move on retirement) I would like to be closer to them so they can see more of Babyzoid. Unfortunately having a step-son in the area we are now means we can’t move away. So home(family)sick I remain. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.:)

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