Intentions June #16

intentions june

Hello June. Doesn’t sunshine make everything all right. Half term breezed by, filled with sunny days out, friends and left me with lovely memories. This morning, if feels as if the nature has played with all its settings; the birds are louder, the trees are greener, the followers are brighter. June feels good.

This month is my birthday, I love birthdays, but I’m feeling a little ambivalent about this year’s. I’m going to be 50. Which feels old and judged and mis-judged. 50 isn’t cool, it’s not the ‘new anything’ in a way that people tell you 40 is the new 30 etc. Most references I hear to 50 are derogatory. People tend to shriek slightly, as if suppressing something, in response to the disclosure of being almost 50.

My friends that threw parties for their 40th have let 50 slide by, barely commented upon. A couple of months ago I was struggling with it. I’m feeling happier, because frankly there is nothing I can do about it, pretending I’m not 50 feels fake. 50 isn’t catching, it is inherent we all get there. The tragedy would be not to get to 50. What I am the day before I turn 50, I will be the day after. I won’t stop shopping in Zara, or reading Red. I have to accept that age isn’t kind to how you look or how society judges you. I’ve never much dwelt on age until this year, my thoughts and feelings haven’t been without angst, worried that people will like me less for my age. Society reflects a lot of negatives on age and I absorbed them.

I’ve come to a point where it feels OK. Some of my very best friends are 50 and some decades less, there is no distinct definition of when, what, who, how. Life is fluid, less linear, than perhaps it was for my parents generation, but I think we still hold a little of those older values and attach meanings and values to age that I’m keen to discard, because I can only be myself and I’ve never been someone who fitted neatly into expectations, so why start now?

In June, there are lots planned, mostly inconsequential to my birthday. I’m looking forward to a weekend camping in Devon and meeting up with family. One of the reasons we moved to the South West to be nearer family and explore new places, this combines both and I LOVE camping. The actual weekend of my birthday the Mr is working all weekend. Me and my small boy will go to our local street fayre, which is on the same day, but I shall be pretending is all in my honour. Later we will eat pizza together. The plan is to get a bicycle for my birthday and I’m hoping for shopping vouchers and products (hello, interested parties who may be reading this).

There is a whole heap of small things I want to achieve this month, but I think I’m just going to see what happens, enjoy the month and eat lots of cake and probably of a lot of wine too.

Happy June to you.

intentions june, thoughts and plans for june

3 Comments

  1. Karen Barlow

    Glad to hear that the drink in your photo is wine and not elderflower cordial, who actually drinks that anyway? You’re not alone in your angst to reveal that you’re 50, I too keep it a secret that I’m 52, so that’s between me & you 🙂 I agree people can be very ageist once you reveal you’re in your 50’s it seems that you’re suddenly not as cool as they might have at first thought and you’re some how not as relevant in this social media age, even though most of the things people are blogging about and instagramming about, we have done before in a past life! Anyway after last weekend when my son lost his beloved best friend very suddenly at the age of 21, I think it’s f***ing fantastic being 50! embrace, enjoy & celebrate everything that’s good about life and get inappropriately drunk while you’re at it. Happy birthday Gemma for when it arrives, from one old bird to another xx

  2. Midlife Singlemum

    You’re right that we don’t celebrate 50 like we do 40 or even 60. 30 is also a bit neglected tbh. I found it helpful to look at how far my life had changed in the past 10 years. When I turned 40 I was quite frankly depressed as although I’d just bought my own flat and moved in, my life had not changed much in 10 years. However, by 50 I had settled in my flat and the block even had an extension so it was bigger than when I’d bought, I have a daughter making me a mummy, my blog, and I’d found some stability in my career. If you think about it, you have achieved loads since turning 40. 

  3. Molly (mollyandtheprincess)

    I’m reading this near the end of June so maybe your birthday has already been, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY Gemma! I hope you got your bicycle and had a nice time in Devon. I turned 50 this year too – I actually much preferred turning 50 to any other age, it has a nice respectable ring to it I think! I see it as half way through my life (or a little less, as I have my sights on 104) and looking ahead to the second half with all the advantages of experience and having got a lot of the hard knocks out of the way 🙂 I hope you enjoy being 50 just as much xx

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